Why is it so difficult to keep other people’s secrets, and it is possible to learn to keep his mouth shut.
1. Avoid dangerous topics
Since ancient times, people used to survive together. At the dawn of life was very simple civilization: men went hunting, while women remained in the cave on the farm. They spent much time together in a confined space, so they had to find a common language.
Since women speak more than men, a fact has long been confirmed by studies. And all to build trust and defuse the situation, that is, to get along with its neighbors in the cave. With about a third of what the conversation time is spent in discussion of their relations with other people. How can you not give out too much!
What to do? Try to get in the conversation “dangerous” topics. You know that Vicki bred relationship on the side? Discard the discussion itself Vicki, different changes, books and TV shows about the adultery. If you suspect your interlocutor’s awareness, begin questions, and you can not help it. The best response to the extreme case: clearly and confidently say – “I do not want to discuss it. What is new?”
2. Interested people are, rather than someone else’s secrets
To establish good relations with others, we are constantly (and mostly unconsciously) looking for ways to entertain them, to please them. Someone’s a secret – it is exclusive, and therefore valuable information. Having given her companion, you can be guaranteed to get the favor.
And if some people can attract the attention of their personality and interests, while others prefer to go on an easy way – to hit the audience. Talk to them – a delicious meal, and other people’s secrets – hot sauce.
What to do? If you realize that you belong to the second type of people try to behave in the opposite way: more than a silent, ponder each phrase before you say it. Brain enough just two or three seconds to comprehend what is happening and to hold his tongue. Give him this time.
Sometimes it helps this technique: check with your friend who is you do not talk about the fact that he “did last summer.” Then, in a conversation with people very different circle of friends, you will be able to tell the story of a secret, for example, an impersonal anecdote.
3. Discussing a secret with his owner
It has long been proven that keeping other people’s secrets – constant stress. We have all the time to control me, but still afraid of the possible consequences of his indiscretion. As a result of other people’s secrets cause a conflict of consciousness and subconsciousness. The mind keeps saying, “Hold on!” And the subconscious sabotage satisfied, as quickly as possible to get rid of this multi-ton load.
Need remarkable endurance to endure such torment, but few whose power will transfer is. That lab secret, only to no longer suffer.
What to do? Chatted with some “dumb” friend: beloved cat, teddy bear, a personal diary. But on the Internet with such a history should not meddle even under the nickname “Vasya217”. The world is full of sad tales of exposing a network of anonymity; you do not want to become their next heroine? If you feel that way, you can not do alone, discuss the details of the secrets to its owner. It owns the secret be too difficult because it is so and people have shared with you – to reduce the burden.
4. Keep your reputation
Often other people’s secrets blurt quite deliberately to achieve a particular goal. When, for example, are afraid to express their opinions about the actions of a friend to her personally, but to wash her bones with friends. Or, on the contrary, want to give secret unpleasant colleagues to his background appear white and fluffy. Often, if you can not snap in the face, comes to mind thought to unburden himself behind.
Resentment and revenge, jealousy, and anger – harmful, but it is very annoying advisers. As, however, and a desire to help, if your support is not requested.
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